Just Enjoy the Show

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go can't do it alone
I've tried and i don't know why
Slow it down make it stop or else my heart is going to pop
'cause it's too much yeah it's a lot to be something i'm not
I'm a fool out of love 'cause i just can't get enough
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go can't do it alone
I've tried and i don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but i don't show it
I can't figure it out it's bringing me down
I know i've got to let it go and just enjoy the show
The sun is hot in the sky just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the signs and synchronize in time
It's a joke nobody knows they've got a ticket to the show
Yeah i'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go can't do it alone
I've tried and i don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but i don't show it
I can't figure it out it's bringing me down
I know i've got to let it go and just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go can't do it alone
I've tried and i don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but i don't show it
I can't figure it out it's bringing me down
I know i've got to let it go and just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show just enjoy the show
I want my money back i want my money back
I want my money back just enjoy the show
I want my money back i want my money back
I want my money back just enjoy the show
This song pretty much sums up how I've been feeling for the past few days.. *sigh... Also.. I've been thinking since I make myself too stressed thinking about my photography and just want to sing it all away all day all week always, maybeeeeee I'm meant to be a singer, not a photographer.. then, it'd be my parents who'd be stressed by my chosen path not me.;P 
The Show Music Video :D

Tomorrow, Tomorrow.

Today was a good great day! After 2 days of being absent, I finally went back to school. Then almost immediately, we went on an impromptu interview with the gmanews.tv chief photographer Mr. Joe Galvez who was very much willing to share beyond our prof's proposed questions. Our friend who lived near GMA then had all 8 of us over for lunch! Score!!!:) Our The Fort shoot for the next class was cancelled. I was really looking forward to it. ._. It was raining anyway and I loooove the rain so it's ok! :) I got to visit the library and finally a toy store. I've been wanting to for weeks! ..to buy bubbles!:)) Finally, a shoot to stand by with for altproc! Wee! I was stuck in about an hour of traffic for a distance that could have been walked for 10 minutes.. but tonight I'm going to sleep excited. (not just because I very unexpectedly saw my crush2an today,;"D ..shucks! I'm so high school!) but because tomorrow I will take my not-so-awesome but hopefully my-most-awesome-to-date portrait!:D *crossed fingers. :D

P.S.

 Syllabication

today a discovery

haiku I suck at

Fineeee. take 2!:))

Another day's end

Such a sweet relief to know

A fresh start's coming

bwahaha. I'm just getting to know haiku okayyyyyy.. :P

P.P.S. I scratched out good and changed it to great *about the day* because as I was closing my e-mail tonight, I just saw again Jasmine Star's reply which I read still a little half asleep this morning. No wonder I was in a good mood all day!:D

She called me girlfriend too!!!!<333

Cybertopia and Living.

Sometimes I think I'm not meant to live in this highly technological era. I'm not really a fan of facebook, I very much prefer to enjoy things slowly, & I like more personalized hand-written notes to e-mails. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the genius of men behind all these developments. It's just hard to keep up (a.k.a. not get addicted) that in trying to do so, I think I've become more of a cybertopian than an earthling. Un/fortunately, Cybertopia has its ways of telling me to move out too:

"We are always getting ready to live, never living." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Those who make the worst use of their time are the first to complain of its shortness." -Jean de la Bruyere

"Take more photos. Be Fearless. Put yourself out there." -Chase Jarvis

"Follow your dreams. Fail." (*in the context of make mistakes & learn.) -Jasmine Star.

Gaaaahhh. Tomorrow I'll look for myself. offline. I wonder where that will be. :P

....If only I knew where to go.

One thing I know I wish would go though: My rashes. Got the German Measles this weekend. ._.

Ok. I took that photo only to show my mom how red/extra healthy looking with not my extra rosy face, not just cheeks.. Again. Just for my Mom. I totally debated posting it here. But ta-daahhh! Not that I needed proof of how uncreative I've been lately. I'll make it serve as a personal reminder to push myself more. But hey, I was sick. So that's my excuse. A very valid one I might add!;P the end.

Just to say I have lived my life last week, I had my first studio photoshoot!:DD I must admit, even for that I didn't have the initiative. (un)Luckily, my friend Mica only knew me from photography and she needed help to make a set card for her midterms in aesthet. So tadaaah! 

One of the out takes of the test shots while waiting for the equipment *it was the first photoshoot for her too:

From the actual shoot, with invaluable help from Ame!:)

An outtake, 'cause the photos had to be "Fierce" which made me kind of sad 'cause she has such a great smile!:D *bad framing. ._.

A mistake that I loved:

Ohhh! Anddd I've been taking a photo a day for my proj 365! which of course I'm not proud of yet either.

Starting tomorrow:

Stop just listing and start crossing off my lists.

Blog more to keep me more accountable.

Be more creative.

Just experiment.

Fail.

Just live.

..& have fun.

*whooossshhhh.. :)

Happy November!:D

You know those days when you planned to do something fun but then you woke up and you just didn’t feel good about yourself so you just decided to stay in bed all day? Well, me neither.;D But yesterday that’s how I felt. Orr it might’ve been just because of the paper I kept on postponing to write ‘cause I know I can still make it better but I didn’t really feel like writing it. Orrr it could also have been simply because I’ve become a slave. To the internet! One page leads to another, a link directs to another and so on. It’s so hard not to get hooked. There’s just so much brilliance and creativity to immerse my curious mind in. I felt so personally unproductive, I wished I did something I'd highly regard that if I happened to stumble upon it on the internet, I couldn’t resist sharing it too. So yes, I was inspired. .slightly belittled. . .mostly challenged. ..But really, if it weren’t for the internet, I’d probably had time to do something as notable as the proficient internet people do. I’d be brilliant if I was born in another era! Really!! ;P If only there was a more convenient way to easily satisfy my constant quest to find/be inspired by something new/different. I stayed on the net all day nonetheless, and finally ended up finishing my paper at night, already so soo late. ._.

Oh well, today’s a new day. I overloaded my brain yesterday, yet I somehow feel rested and refreshed. I still have a lot of things to do, but today is my personally claimed “inspire me” day. And no, not as you might have guessed, not on the internet. Am actually going to go out for a long walk to nowhere to finally start somewhere for my final plates. Happy November! Happy All Saint’s Day! Happy Birthday to those who’re celebrating their birthday today! Happy Monday! Just.. have a happy day!:)

P.S.

How could the day go wrong when I started it with poetry?:D I've always been straight-to-the-point, not really one to think deep, so I've never been a fan of poetry. But I've always been a fan of words, and thoughtfully arranged wordplay. I guess it's my recent deepened appreciation for lyrics and need to make up concepts that will produce imagery worth a thousand words (pictures) that pushed me to actually want to try and read poetry. Try to read a play of the greatest playwright of all time, emphasis on try has always been on my sort-of bucket list. I guess this is the first step. I'm kinda surprised by how much I'm actually liking it! :D

*sigh

Again, I neglect my blog. I've been asking a lot of questions lately. What am I doing? Why am I doing this? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? What do I really want?.. Photography, Writing, Reading, even drawing, my most favorite things to do have been put to a hiatus and tucked away in to-do lists because.. I felt lost.  We're already being asked what we plan to do with our lives and I still don't have an answer. I've ran back and forth between really thinking and deciding about it now, or just enjoy what I'm doing now and future do its thing. I guess I've deceived myself in thinking I'm doing the latter, but subconsciously I'm doing the former. ..In my head, I've justified my slack in thinking that at least I'm not wasting time doing something I don't really know what to do with. Thus I've been living vicariously through other people's much more lively existence through-- the internet. ..and I thought I'd find what I want in identifying with what works in other people's lives. . Sure, I've learned a thing or two. But it didn't exactly give out a sign, a direction of where I'm supposed to go. In fact, I'm even more confused now, having exposed myself to all the possibilities, all the potential things and stories to make or to capture, all experiences to revel in day by day.

I have to start living my own life. Then Maybe I'd have something to write about, something to capture in a frame, something to reflect and interpret in lines on paper. just.. Something.
I admire people who just know what they want to do. or maybe at least seem to have it all figured out. 'nyway, as hellogoodbye goes,
"I've got more on my mind.. than I have on my plate.. uh uh.." ;P

and just now, while I'm fortuitously reading an old schoolmate's blog, I found this:

the internet's speaks to me!:))

365

I find myself asking God why he didn't bless me with talents. I don't really draw. I'm not really a writer. I manage to convince only myself that I can sing. The only dance I can probably do justice to is the chicken dance. The only talent I have in the kitchen is eating (And I'm greeeaaat at that!!!;P) I'm not that much a photographer(yet!) either.

But if dreaming were a talent, I think I'm rather good at it. I'd own it. I have such ambition, it gets overwhelming sometimes... ...On second thought, naaah. I'm not even sure about what I want lately. :)) I just know I want to travel and learn to juggle ;P and be the best I can be in whatever I do, which primarily, for now, is photography.

...And that brings me to finally starting Project 365. I've been wanting to start that since early this year but this and that... now I'm finally going to do it!:D today's shots was taken just around the dorm. okay, it's 2. just can't decide which sucks less.;P

At the end of 365 days, maybe 730 or 995 or 4 years (did I even do the math right?:P) I wish wish wish to be a talented photographer. *First, I wish I can commit to it. haha. I wish. I wish... I must! I shall! I should!.. really!.... will probably post succeeding photos to my tumblr account.

Am Baaaccckkk!:D

I know. I know. I said I'd catch up with ze blog in my last post.. but butttt. finals came up.. and.. sleepless nights.. and projects.. and cups and cups of caffeine to survive.. and more projects.. and painting and drawing and designing.. and more and more projects. and totally burning out andddd..

oh well. that was last term. I don't think I've recovered from the stress. butttt oh wellll. moving on.:D

Ok. I must admit I had fun last term! I now like drawing! and want to really learn painting! I just got pushed to my very limit during the finals week. some of my final plates:

3 point perspective

4 pairs of eyes, and 4 each for lips, ears, and noses

self-portrait. :D *I don't really know how to shade yet. So karla fixed it (Thanksss karlaloo!:D)

our final plate. nude, rendered in pencil, ink and colored pencil. 

This plate weighed 50% of our final grade so I was pretty pressured about it. Thankfully I had a lot of friends to help me out. They gave me a guide to copy the shading from!:D I liked how it turned out, except for the ink part. I don't remember how I really ended up doing it, but thankfully karla(again! thank youuu Karlaloo) fixed it. :D

Before freehand, I've never really considered drawing. I thought it's either you've got the talent or you don't. And really, I didn't. But I did my plates! I passed them all! With some help, definitely, but I toiled and pushed myself for each and every plate(unless Karlaloo intervened.;P). wee! and now I'm just excited to learn more! maybe I'll try pirouetting next! or nose-twitching or maybe writing with my eyes closed! ;P

We had an exhibit for our finals in Visuali. I wasn't really proud of my works yet, but here they are:

for emotion. 

for architecture.

for nostalgia. 

Waaa! the dean asked for this photo to be part of the student "legacy". I don't remember what he specifically had in mind but he said it will be posted somewhere. and when I come back 10, or 20 years from now, I'll find it and get to point at it and say, "I did that!" weeee! I still get high when I remember it. yipee!!!\:D/

On that note, I'm getting ready for a new term!.. I hope. \:D/

Catch Up Olympics

This blog is just one of the things I have to play catch up with. Again. I'm dyinggggg... My plates are drowning me. I know I just won't make it if I don’t play the games asap. So here’s me convincing myself to just get up and do it. *whoooo!

My uninspired plate for desprin. X.x I had a funner, more colorful album design(that’s supposed represent us) in mind, but as I was doing it yesterday, color and fun just didn’t feel “me”. I chose the split complimentary color scheme. I should have used darker shades though. I wanted it to show how I'm too drained to be who I want to be. I know I could’ve done a lot more with it, but I didn’t want to risk ruining it. Great. Now, I'm playing safe. X.x waaa. I’m now slapping myself to cut the drama out. Still slapping. Still slapping. . . ….ok. done. Ow. My cheeks hurt.:P

All that’s left to do is keep moving forward. Let the catch up olympics begin!!! *fingers crossed I win.

If not, everdearestsodearever family, I hope you read this before my funeral. ‘cause I want you to tell everyone, if anyone would come that I don’t want flowers please. I want chocolates. Preferably dark. With almonds. Please. Thank you.

Break!. . . please?

I’d like to think life is finally about to catch up with me and my plates. But my sketchpads and bristol boards scream otherwise. --.

Busy. Busy. Busy. I don’t like that word. Draw! Paint! Design! Now, these works I(’m starting to really) like better. But for 5 different subjects, they just take too much time!! Making me . .Busy. Busy. Busy. That word again!._.

I’ve been pretending I was/were(?) a robot, that didn’t need sleep the past few days ‘cause I wanted to have time to slow down and think about my shots for my finals. but apparently that's not possible. the slowing down part at least. ._. No sleep. Pardon the robot lag/zombie mode. :P

I haven't really thought about my shots yet (am soo dead). But right now, what my mind is filled with isss…as an art school, why do we run on trimester??? Haven’t they ever heard that you can’t rush art? I mean really. I didn’t think I’d enjoy drawing and painting as much as I do. But it’s the load/week that weighs me down. Art is supposed to be fun.. but all the rush, minus all the sleep makes it seem like work, when it's supposed to be more of play. (Am I making sense?--,)

-ze robot's failed attempt at tessellation. ._. really must not rush art. Really should finish plates. Really need sleep. Really need a break.

ZzzZZzzzzzzzz.. 

In 6 Words

I’m a junior. If things go as planned, It should be my senior year too, sort of(course should only be for 3 years). Thankfully, plans don’t work out 'cause our chair said that we might have to extend our stay. >:)

One of the latest missions in Amy K.R.'s blog is to write your story in 6 words, I think mine would be,

Pretty Big dreamer, what to do?

*from weheartit.com

I know I like to push myself to do whatever best I can in whatever I do. But I don’t really know what I’ll want to do yet. Photography, yes. Which field? dunno. Is there a very decent paying career for life observing? Cloud-shape spotting? art-appreciating? good book reading? sleeping? shopping? food tasting? bugging friends? at least before I figure out what I really want to do at least?;P There is a home for the aged, could there be a home for the clueless too?:D

19!:)

I've wanted to blog about a lot of things lately but haven't done so 'cause I haven't made this birthday post. ._.

Sooooo. . . .

Well, I've been pretty drained from the routine (cramming) midterms week set for me. So I really wanted to do things differently for my birthday. For one, I wanted to get up early. My sister obliged!:)

She bought me breakfast, then we got a mani-pedi, lunch and shoe shopping! Weee! 

Unfortunately, I got so caught up with the excitement of my birthday, I forgot to take pictures. x.x Photographer fail. Thankfully, I have a stalker room mate for the pm!;D **next photos are courtesy of my stalker, I mean photojournalistic room mate Karlaloo.. ;D

Don't I just have the most awesome room mates?:) *shall I say room mate one more time?:P They didn't go home for the weekend and they braved the heavy rains for my birthday.. :D:D:D

I didn't know what I specifically wanted to do on my birthday. .there are a lot I could think of but I don't want to cram it all in one day like last year. I wanted a slow, relaxed, happy birthday this year. So I didn't really plan anything 'cause I didn't know what I'd feel like doing for the day. THE day came, and Inception it was!:D Loved it!! Totally Racked my brain! Must see it again!!!:D

*soo paparazzi. :))

Ate Rhia wanted Falafel so Gl4 it was. . .We were so not hungry!

*see my eyes? that's the look of the girl who's about to steal her friend's falafel. :)) I so wanted that but I've just been used to having spaghetti for my birthday, I didn't want to break the tradition. ..Noodles for long life! Ever since I was a kid I never wanted to cut my noodles, 'cause obviously it meant cutting life short, obviously. :P

of course they had to buy me qoolah!!!<3

Anddddd then, my surprise! Weee! I specifically requested Karlaloo to surprise me. hahaha. but I still don't have the gift she promised me for last year so I didn't see the transfomations of my space and the gifts when we get home - coming. :P

*the making. :P

 

. .One of my best college buddies stopped by just to give me cupcakes too!

I mentioned I wanted an adventure, and an adventure she prepared for me!<3

Did I mention I loved it?

not just the adventure part, but the unfolding and the making of the adventure too! Karlaloo, if you're reading this.. you know what I mean.. righhhtttttt?:))

I really missed my other family and friends.. Thanks to the internet, there was the video from my hs best friends.<3 and then the overwhelming FB greetings, and the specially crafted messages! and the late greetings that extended my birthday, even earlier messages that somehow advanced it!<333

Why don't we celebrate birthdays with monthsaries or even just every half-a-year! like happy half-birthday!!!:D there are half sizes for shoes! why not birthdays???:P

Note to my supposedly more mature, 19yy self: stop being such a student (Stop ze procrastinating! ok, more realistically: limit it!!!:PP) 

Hey World! I'm 19!

I try to remember people's birthdays as much as I can. I love birthdays. I love it 'cause it's the one day I think you can really call YOUR day, well, at least the day that other people would usually recognize yours too. Why can't everyday be my birthday?;D

But the thing is it might be YOUR day, but it really depends on how the people who know and love you make it yours; how more than wanting to be part of the birthday treats, they simply just want to celebrate your day with you, hoping that in their own little way, they make you feel special. ..I'm so blessed!:D

I will post about my birthday tomorrow. For now,

*I couldn't find a solo photo of my 19yy self.. so here's my first plate as a 19yy!:D

Stayed up till about 5 to finish this but my professor didn't show up. ._.

Now, I think I'll have to repeat it. We're supposed to make a self-portrait using basic shapes and tonal values. ..I don't think I showed much shapes. The lines are more prominent. The BG doesn't count. It's just a means to cover up the mess I made on the BG.;P

ZzzZzzz..

18.

Random stuff about my 18yo self:

::I think while I brush my teeth. I dunno why, I think my toothbrush has a power switch to my brain or something.. Or maybe it's my toothpaste? Am not really sure.;P

::I don’t like making people wait. Just the thought of people waiting for me makes some voice in my head scream MOVE IT! STOP WASTING THEIR TIME! JUST GO ALREADY.. ..and the other voice screams “I WANTTT my own sweet time!!!” :P

::I’ve always loved crafts.

::I’m easily amused.

  :I can be so OC.

::I always find something to do. Sitting Still's hard.

::I dream big. like crazy big. But I like simple too.

::pull out random hallmark cards on my way out when I'm walking alone. I love the simple, short, and carefully crafted messages. .I really wish I could've written some of those! :P

::I love the smell of coffee. but I love sleeping more than drinking coffee. 

::I wish I could read more.

::Po's Dad's "to make something special, you just have to believe it's special" has been stuck in my mind lately. :)

::I've always wanted a Mr. Potato Head toy!!

::I take the stairs 'cause waiting for the elevator takes soooo long(at school at least).

::No plastic for me please!

::I have this effect on stuff. One touch from me, and

        ..plak, it fell

        ..splash, it spilled

        ..bam, it crashed..

        I don’t know what I ever do. Why do things JUST fall when I’m near??:P And I could start a

              collection of broken headphones. .

::I don’t remember why, but ever since high school I’ve been fascinated with Paris. I’m so going there! It might be the only reason I'd already want to graduate. Other than that, I'd waive total independence the longest possible time, thank you. :D

::I save messages that make me smile, actually anything that made-makes me smile.

::I started blogging 'cause I want to remember. and so i have somewhere to dump my random thoughts.

::I've never seen a firefly... ._.

::I wonder if I use too many smileys.. :D

::Am not liking this to many “I”’s in a post.

::I don’t really feel 18, not that I know how 18 feels like. :D

The first day of my 18th: 

4 days to go!\:D/

Visuali Challenges 2-5

I still can’t get over it.. we don’t have an assignment in visuali for this week! It’s incredible!! I feel like we’re on a term break (even if I still have my other subjects to think about) with no images to visualize and readily capture to keep me on my toes. Weee! So in line with playing catch up with my blog, I’m posting images from previous assignments. *Doesn't "challenge" sound better than "plate?" :)

Challenge 2: lines

I spy a masterpiece by a certain 8-legged critter!

Challenge 3: Frame within a frame..

I just have the cutest friends and family ever..

spot the hidden mickey! (so not obvious!;P)

I wish I could fly.. :)

Challenge 4: Shapes through portraits of family and friends.. this was the toughest for me.. ._.I didn't think it'd be that tough 'cause I have very willing friends to model for me, but it was so hard to find a schedule that would match all our schedules.. Then on the day we were finally supposed to shoot, it rained. HARD. so I was so sad I didn't get the photos I wanted.. ..thank God for stock photos and very game friends despite the weather!!:D

We shot in school instead. Jump shots? CLASsic!

We resorted to candle light too. Thank youuu dearest room mates + Ana!:))

Ze cuties!!:)

Challenge 5: Color ..I've been looking forward to this week! I wish I could've done it better though. Why did it have to coincide with midterms week......

I've always wanted to be invisible..

Why don't they make gummy pandas??

I've had no choice but to start a collection of straws from all the boxes of milk I buy to go with my cereal.. I kept it 'cause I don't want it to just go to waste and I thought I might get to use it someway.. ..it's not much, but.. ta-dahh.. :P

FIN!!!

till NEXT week's challenge!!!\:D/

...And the countdown to my birthday begins!!! What to do.. What to do.. :D